Stop Talking

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Credit alert!  Your account has been credited with the sum of xxxx. I looked closely to see the name of the sender, it was from Bem, my husband! Wow! What happened? It wasn't my birthday or the kids'. Pardon my reaction, it's been a while my husband sent me money, this sum of money especially. That reminds me, I have also noticed some changes lately. Our spare room has been much tidier than ever, shoes in their rack, clothes either hung or neatly folded in the wardrobe, no litter on the floor, toilet clean, etc. Hmmmm...what could be going on? Is Bem cheating? Did another woman come into my home in my absence to do all that work? It doesn't stop there, Bem has changed in other ways too. He gets to do things swifter than before I don't get to talk so much before he gets things done around the house. The other day, I walked into the garage and noticed the whole place was lit. All the dead bulbs have been fixed, worn-out tires removed neatly and stacked to the back of the garage. You could practically host two other friends in that garage. Phew! I remember that had been a major issue in the house and nothing I said or did made him bulge. Oooooo. Now I get! I know what happened. I stopped, I stopped talking. Yes. That is it!

Don't get me wrong Bem is an amazing guy, every woman's dream but after we got married the irritation began and I was what you would call Ms. Prim and Proper. For me, there was no excuse for clutter or any form of disorganization. Everything must be in their place at all times.  You just must pick up after yourself always. Don’t do this, don’t do that, do it this way, d it that way, blah, blah.

There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting things done in a decent manner but when problem starts when we expect everyone to be just like us. In marriage I learnt that you may need to cut your partner some slack, step back a little, and be more patient with people. Give others time to catch up, remember you are not all perfect yourself. Bem and I get here after 8 years of marriage. I had talked and talked, gone from angry to frustrated, to all forms of emotions, in a bid to get my husband to make certain adjustments but Bem would not budge. I began to wonder if our lover is only relegated to certain areas.


Then I began to read books, listen and observe older couples, also observe my husband some more. I began to watch closely how my actions were affecting my husband and our home. I put the spotlight on me. So, I asked myself, if all the talking, emotional tantrums, cold treatment and so on have not yielded any result what could I be doing wrong? Could I be the problem and not Bem? Is it him that needs to change or me? After all, I was not the one throwing things around the house. What needed to change?

You guessed right! Me. So I decided I was going to stop talking. If I have said It once or twice, that is it, I would say no more. If I can fix it, then I would. Rather than bugging my poor husband endlessly. I will be more rational, than emotional, cut him some slack. Love him irrespective, he does not have to do it right all the time to earn my love, respect or support. I will be the loving, kind, supportive, caring wife I want to be. I make mistakes and Bem forgives me unconditionally, so why not me? I made these few adjustments and my home became a fairy tale again. I simply stopped talking! Pray, share, what did you do to turn the situation in your own home? It’s your turn, please share with us.